So two nights ago I had a freaky dream about a guy at work who went into the ladies room by accident. I was in the stall doing my business, and he walks in all agitated and he starts washing his hands. I see through the cracks who it is, and I think I’ll just sit here al quiet, let him do his thing and leave then come out. Well he turns around and goes in the stall beside me. At this point he realizes that he is in the wrong bathroom. He starts yelling and cussing and banging on my stall door. He’s screaming at me wanting to know why I let him stay in there when I knew that he was in the wrong bathroom. He starts peaking through the cracks trying to see who I am. He was screaming at me to tell him who I was. He was calling me all kinds of names and stuff. Then he starts to leave the bathroom, and he says, “Don’t tell me who you are…I know your fat so it won’t be too hard to pick you out.” I woke up at that point. It was a disturbing dream. I woke up very upset, and it keeps playing in my mind. The whole thing was about my weight, and how it has affected me. It makes me sad to tell it back again.
Then last night I have the opposite dream. I was marring Benjamin Bratt. It was like a big ole traditional wedding. I had a bouquet with white flowers and ivy draping down. I had a white strapless dress with a big full skirt, like I had a hoop slip on, that kind of full skirt. I kept running back and forth between looking in at the church and going back to talk and kiss with Benjamin. I remember being so extra extra happy. I was giggling like a little school girl. He was all calm cool and collected, laid back, putting his tux one. Then it started steaming up. I remember talking to him about not feeling like I could wait until that night, to make love to my husband. He said, “ let’s have one last fling as a boyfriend and girlfriend”. He put his hands on my waist and lifted me up onto a counter that was in the room. I remember him kissing my neck and chest, while his hands were under my skirt and up my legs. It was HOT!!!!! I wrapped my legs around him, and we got busy. The thing is, just like the other dream, it was about my weight. It was about being skinny, and wanting to be able to do that someday, to have a man lift me, to be able to wrap my legs around him and lock him in position. And that Tantric position I saw the other day, oh yea, that is so totally happening. Yabyum or something. Thing is I have to be super duper picky this time. I want it to be making love not having sex. I want the connection and desire and passion. Not just an urge to reach an orgasm. I want the journey to be just as important as the destination.
