I want so badly to get my shit together. No one can even imagine how much I want that. WHY am I my own worst enemy. I just can't seem to get it together. I'm so very tired of living like this...but for some reason I can't JUST FUCKING DO IT. I feel like I live two lives. The one that I show the outside world, then the screwed up, lost and confused one that I don't show to anyone. Problem is its impossible to keep them separate all the time. It takes so much effort, and I still can't always keep them separate. Amy is invading my space tomorrow night. I want so badly to spend the time with her. But there is not enough time to get everything separated. I'm stuck. And I love Amy, but I hate the fact that she is going to see. My sisters entire family is so critical and condescending of me. EPIC FAIL in 2 days. How can I expect anyone else to cherish me, when I don't cherish myself. Dear Jesus...you need to take this from me. I need you here, I can't do this by myself. Its going to take your enormous strength to overcome this. I am far to weak, I am so weak. I'm weak, I'm a failure, I feel lost and alone. I'm tired of feeling like the world is moving past me at light speed, and here I am circling the drain, about to go under. I don't know how much longer I can take this fight. I am so close to giving up, ending it. And I don't feel like I can even share that, that has to remain part of my dirty little secret. GOD HELP ME!!!! You need to send some sort of healing. Your the only one who can do this, I can't, I just can't continue on like this anymore. I just keep sinking lower and lower....where does it end. Where is the bottom of this emotional quicksand. I'm crying out to you....save me!!!!!!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I'm crying out!!! Where are you!!! I need you!!!
I want so badly to get my shit together. No one can even imagine how much I want that. WHY am I my own worst enemy. I just can't seem to get it together. I'm so very tired of living like this...but for some reason I can't JUST FUCKING DO IT. I feel like I live two lives. The one that I show the outside world, then the screwed up, lost and confused one that I don't show to anyone. Problem is its impossible to keep them separate all the time. It takes so much effort, and I still can't always keep them separate. Amy is invading my space tomorrow night. I want so badly to spend the time with her. But there is not enough time to get everything separated. I'm stuck. And I love Amy, but I hate the fact that she is going to see. My sisters entire family is so critical and condescending of me. EPIC FAIL in 2 days. How can I expect anyone else to cherish me, when I don't cherish myself. Dear Jesus...you need to take this from me. I need you here, I can't do this by myself. Its going to take your enormous strength to overcome this. I am far to weak, I am so weak. I'm weak, I'm a failure, I feel lost and alone. I'm tired of feeling like the world is moving past me at light speed, and here I am circling the drain, about to go under. I don't know how much longer I can take this fight. I am so close to giving up, ending it. And I don't feel like I can even share that, that has to remain part of my dirty little secret. GOD HELP ME!!!! You need to send some sort of healing. Your the only one who can do this, I can't, I just can't continue on like this anymore. I just keep sinking lower and lower....where does it end. Where is the bottom of this emotional quicksand. I'm crying out to you....save me!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment